I recently started noticing that hesitation is the verbal expression of fear. I often heard the phrase “I will try my best”, “I try to be happy” over the past few days, and I understood the profound element of non-action which is involved in this phrase. Trying is intention, doing is action. Yet in order to do, one must have that foolish confidence, that beautiful craziness of jumping right into the thing that scares them, which is also the thing that frees them, redeems them, brings them the joy, the satisfaction, the accomplishment, the abundance, the “wish granted”.
Furthermore, we are often tangled in our daily realities, and although our hearts make a wish, and our minds set the goal, in a firm and explicit manner: “I will do this”, “I will go there”, reality catches up with the thought, and throws in hesitation, in the form of temporal confusion. We then say “sometime”, “soon”, thus leaving our happiness hanging in a place of space-time non-determination.
Performance levels in most of our corporate or administrative jobs are evaluated following a set of parameters, which are based on the initial phase of setting SMART goals, with the purpose of helping us clarify our ideas and focus our efforts in a time-bound context, in order to achieve our desires. If we can do that about our jobs, why not about our lives? Why must we postpone our well-being? Why must we allow fears of all kinds to dictate the pace at which we live our life plentifully?
Life is a succession of choices we make, to either be happy or be miserable. It takes an enormous amount of effort to make the conscious decision of starting to live life in one’s own terms, pursuing one’s own path. Because what that implies, is to take action towards happiness, and our scarcity mindset throws us into submission, by repeatedly telling us that we cannot have it all. You cannot have the perfect job, you cannot have the perfect home, you cannot have the perfect relationship and you cannot have everything you ever wanted.
A few weeks ago, there was this one day when I actually argued with my Ego. I had recently begun to be aware of the concept of “the body’s memory”. Our skin, our corporeality is a database of memories and emotions connected to these, recalling every touch, every wound, every bruise and every moment of passion, every harassment, every orgasm, and every embrace. Listening to Sadhguru, I learned that you can consciously wash away some of these events which are stored skin-deep.
So I laid down in bed, relieving the memories of love and hurt that my body had experienced, and vowing my body to that “soulmate”, that one man who would know how to touch it in a gentle, considerate, loving way. As I was doing that, I heard my Ego whisper “But he won’t like you, you’re fat”. I fought back. “You little bastard, I may be fat. But I am beautiful and clever and I will love him, and keep him warm, and cook for him, and he will love me”.
That is when I realised that our fear, our Ego, works in subtle ways, making us doubt our potential, making us doubt our choices, making us doubt our very sanity, when we dare see beyond the reality of our experience and remember our inner voice and tune in to our heart’s desires. That is why I know that we actually can silence our Ego. All it takes is a firm voice, and a personal truth that is greater than fear. A truth as sharp and bold as a sword.
Therefore, my beautiful soul, my fellow friend, I summon you to take a moment to ask yourself “Who am I? Am I this fear, am I this doubt, or am I abundance, joy and love? What do I want? Do I want to live comfortably numb, or do I want to be bravely happy? What am I willing to do for my dream? Will I try to make it happen, or rather begin making it happen?”
This is a call to true action. When the SMART goal is one’s fulfillment, one’s true path, there is no time to waste, because the deadline is tight. It expands as far as this lifetime, and you are in the here-now to have this experience, as this individual that you are, as this soul that must live according to its own timeline, its own truth, its own love and happiness.
Embrace the opportunities that life throws at you. Make room for the experiences that you want to have by discarding those that keep you stuck in a place of fear and self-doubt, and go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Things might not always work out. Oh, but… what if they do?
Love,
Vladiana
Love Labourer 